I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
