At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
