Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
