God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
