sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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