well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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