planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
