don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
