I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
