I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
