we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
