Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
