I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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