she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
