she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
