never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
