You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
