I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
