this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
