3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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