the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
