i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize