how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
