So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
