haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
