Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
