Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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