like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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