in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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