so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
