It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
