he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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