I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
