just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
