i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
