now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
