your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
