After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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