theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
