I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
