i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
