i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She bit a glass in half.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
