Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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