she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
