Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
