Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
