Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
