You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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