I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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