I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
