can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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