Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
