My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
