I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
